BOOMER HUMOR Maps and Directions



BY MADISON FREDERICK

Is there another woman in your husband’s life? Fellow travelers, I don’t want to alarm you, but you may have the same type of woman influencing your hubby as I do. My husband has been faithful for 43 years. Of that I am certain. In all that time, he has had ears only for the sound of my sweet and caring voice, whether at home or traveling.

But now, not so much. There is another woman whose voice commands his attention, and I am a distant second. Maybe even third if you consider the sweet voice of his granddaughter in the mix.

How do I know this shift has occurred? How did I discover this awful fact?

I discovered it while traveling on vacation. Mistakenly, I thought we would have a pleasant ride down to Florida to visit some dear friends for our summer vacation.

As we set off on our travel adventure, he assured me that he had everything under control, meaning that he had clear directions and knew how to get us to our friends’ house.

  1. Full disclosure. I am not the most stress-free traveler. Being lost or, in his words, “exploring the area,” is not my idea of fun. I do not need to have the thrill of conquering the road to complete my enjoyable vacation experience.

Back to the Florida trip…

After navigating through several major cities using numerous major highways, we managed to get to the town where our friends live. Great! We are almost there, I thought. I start to relax and release my travel stress as I think of the delicious food and cherished company we are about to enjoy.

Suddenly, he mutters, “Oh no.” It seems his phone has lost power. He quickly reaches for the backup GPS. “We can just call them,” I explain, “and they can direct us to their house.” He doesn’t hear a word I am saying. He is playing with all of his “directional toys” — iPad, GPS, phone. He is absolutely desperate to hear Siri’s voice telling him which way to turn. I am happy to tell him which way to turn. I have the address, and I can read the road signs!

Finally, he gets a few bars of power on one of our phones, and she speaks again. He is so relieved! Quickly, he pecks at the keyboard, entering information. She tells him to turn onto the street I had suggested he turn onto 20 minutes ago. Her melodic voice continues to monopolize his thoughts. I am definitely a third wheel in this car! I am in what you might call a “travel triangle” (one man, two women).

We arrive at our destination 45 minutes later than expected. Our worried friends greet us at the door with refreshing drinks in hand. They are happy to see us, and our much-anticipated visit can begin.

“Have any trouble getting here?” they ask.

“ No, not a bit,” my road warrior husband announces. “Siri led us right to you.”

And I think to myself…”RECALCULATING!”

 


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