Boomer Humor: There’s An App For That!



BY MADISON FREDERICK

 

How many times have I heard that phrase! As I am slowly navigating my phone and trying to think about how to get to what I need while someone is talking to me, someone always says, “There’s an app for that!” Oh, really?

It is true. There are apps for EVERYTHING! In my imagination, I see a large office with thousands of cubicles and thousands of kids designing apps as if they were playing video games. How else could we have so many?

Recently I was complaining to a girlfriend about the ongoing problem of gaining weight. She had recently lost 24 pounds and was looking great. She listened as I whined about my situation; then she said,” I’m not on a diet. I just track my food on my phone.” Hmm. That sounded interesting. Especially the “I’m not on a diet part.”

My interest was definitely piqued, and I peppered her with questions. Yes, you guessed it. She said, “I have an app for that.” Okay, then. How do I get one?

The tech-savvy person always replies with, “It’s easy. Just go to the App Store…..blah, blah, blah.” I am a woman on a mission. I can do this and be on my way to a 25-pound weight loss.

I go to the App Store. What is my password? Oh, no! I’m not sure. I try several. No luck. I decide to take the device to my husband’s office and arm twist one of the brilliant millennials working there to help me.   He is patient and not condescending as he asks me questions. Again with the password! So we decide to reset the password. We wait patiently for the reset code to appear on my phone to register a new password. (I don’t understand why I have to have so many passwords if the phone is working!)

We get the code. Reset the password. Navigate to the App Store. Oops! He tells me that I have to update my phone in order to get the free app.   Okay. We plug the phone into my old computer with some magic cord he produces to update the data.

My old computer keeps that annoying little color wheel spinning, spinning, spinning.

“I think you should take it to the Verizon Store and they can do it for you quicker,” he says.   Okay.

Off to the Verizon Store. Children who work there are very anxious to help and are very sweet. One of them begins to update my phone for me. Minutes pass. He clicks, taps, plugs and unplugs. Eventually, he says, “Do you have any errands to run? This could take a while.”   So I leave my phone in his capable hands and set off for the grocery store.

When I return, he informs me that I am all set. My phone is updated. He hands me my phone, and I click on it. What happened? Everything looks totally different. Where is the whatchamacallit? Is that the thingy that brings up the messages? What in the world has happened to my phone? I liked it better before the update. Oh, well.

At least I can get the calorie tracker app now. I sit in my car at the Verizon Store and peck away at my updated phone.   What?! Another password?! Do I reset again?

I am not happy as I get out of my car and march back into the Verizon Store.   Once again, I get a pleasant assistant. “Where is Ian?” I ask. “He helped me earlier.” “Oh, he is not here at the moment.” (Probably taking a milk and cookie break!)

I explain my situation, and he helps me navigate the password just for that app. I write it down in my book for future reference. “Ok, you are all set,” he says cheerily. We’ll see, I think to myself.

I return to my car. Pull up the app. Start to put my food in the food diary. Wait. I don’t know that about the food. There are so many blanks to fill in about the food. I am exhausted with this, and I am hungry. It is just too much.   I’ve been at this for the better part of the day. I start the car and decide to get an ice cream cone on the way home.


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