Conversation with Your BFF: ‘Can Someone Really Complete You?’



I remember the first time I watched the movie, ‘Jerry Maguire.’ The connection between Renee Zellweger and Tom Cruise’s characters made most girls think, ‘That’s what I want…someone who completes me. Now that is what love is for sure.’ As I aged, I realized that only you can ‘complete’ you. When you’re waiting for someone to complete you, you are saying that there’s something missing in you; you aren’t whole. Fixating on needing completion can lead to feelings of inadequacy and believing you aren’t quite enough. But what can you tell a friend who is waiting on the piece that is missing in her puzzle for completion? I am so glad you asked.

You Are the Only One Who Can Complete YOU! 

Most of us have heard the saying, ‘You can’t love someone else until you love yourself,’ that applies when you think of being completed as a person, too. Spending your life looking for that person to tie everything up with a bow and make life perfect is futile. You can’t hang your happiness on someone else…you are responsible for you being happy. You know what will help to complete you? Building an awesome life on your own full of family, friends, and meaningful experiences with activities you are passionate about.

You Are Not Incomplete on Your Own 

Don’t sell yourself short. As women, we have so much outside pressure on us to find a partner and settle down. But what if that happily ever after with another isn’t in your cards right now? By pushing for what you think you should be doing, you can set yourself up for disaster by getting in the wrong relationship. Sit tight and enjoy life at this moment.

Unrealistic Expectations Hurt Everyone, Including YOU! 

When you expect someone to ‘complete you,’ you are setting up unrealistic expectations on a relationship. People aren’t perfectly formed puzzle pieces that fit nicely into our lives. We are complicated and sure to fail and disappoint, so to deem someone as your ‘other half’ isn’t a place or a role anyone wants to be.

Put the Shoe on the Other Foot…Do You Want to ‘Complete’ Someone Else? 

Think of the weight of the responsibility of making someone else happy or completing them. Holding another person up to such high expectations isn’t romantic; it is codependent.

Life Is Unpredictable 

No one likes to think about it, but what if your partner leaves the relationship? Life, if anything, is unpredictable and you never know what the day holds. We can go into a relationship thinking that the person is ‘the one’ only to have things not work out in the long run. Should this happen, the breakup is going to be all the more hurtful if you lose that ‘piece’ that supposedly completed you.

Relationships Aren’t About Finding the ‘One’ 

I think we all can agree that life isn’t a fairytale. You can’t go to meet someone, fall in love, and then never have to work on the relationship again. Any good relationship requires time and attention to flourish and grow. If you aren’t ready to put the time and work into a partnership, don’t bother…in the end, you will hurt another as well as yourself.

In closing, focus on getting yourself as healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically as you can before bringing another into your life. You are enough. You are whole. You are complete.


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