Depending on what you might have heard or read online, a 40-plus woman doesn’t need special techniques or tricks to begin dating after a long-term relationship. Keep it simple! What worked at 25 is what will work at 40 and beyond – you just have to remember that you are not only a ‘catch’ but are worthy of a good relationship, so don’t settle!
With somewhere between 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce, it’s safe to say that there are quite a few women ‘of a certain age,’ as it is said, looking to find that special someone. There’s a shift in your 40s and beyond to not necessarily ‘needing’ a man, but ‘wanting’ one. Fulfilling careers, raising children and good friends are our priorities, but the right man can enrich your life. Whether you go on blind dates, use internet dating sites or bump into someone in the frozen food aisle at the grocery store, there are certain tips to help you find a man who values you.
When You’re Over 40, You’re Pretty Comfortable in Your Own Skin
When you hit about 30, you have your beliefs well established and you know what you like and what you don’t. If smoking or drinking bothers you, make sure you take that into consideration when you meet someone. Don’t excuse behavior that you know is going to be an issue in the future. Invest time in those that you share not only beliefs with, but behaviors, too. If you are looking on dating sites, be specific in your profile preferences. Don’t be wishy-washy – you know what you want, so go for it! More importantly, you know what you deserve, so go for quality in dating, not quantity!
When You’re Over 40, You Know a lot More about the Nature of Attraction
You’re of the age where you are mature enough to know that sometimes men are like Christmas presents – you can have a beautifully wrapped box with a gorgeous bow and when you open it there’s a socket wrench set. Pretty packaging doesn’t always mean it’s beneficial or healthy for you. Sometimes the knight in shining armor isn’t the one you want…the knight with dings and dents in his armor has lived, been hurt and still is willing to love. The guy who can sit down, turn off the TV and the electronics that monopolize our lives today and talk about his life’s journey, and actually listen to you when you share your hurts, is the guy to look for. If you meet a guy and he incessantly talks about himself, never asking your opinion or letting you share in the discussion…. move on, my friend!
When You’re Over 40, You Know How Much Baggage You Have and What You Can Take
When a man is newly separated or fresh from a divorce, beware, especially if they have been in a long-term relationship. They aren’t at the same place you are, emotionally or spiritually, so don’t expect them to be. A man ‘back on the market,’ in my personal experience, can see the world as full of women at his disposal. Hurting you is probably not at the top of his list of concerns, but it should be at the top of yours, so guard your heart. Know your value and worth…you are worth more than being a man’s stepping stone back into the dating scene. Women tend to put their hearts into a relationship before a man does, so protect your heart. I can’t say that enough. Ask yourself how much baggage you are willing to take on in a new relationship. It’s not judgmental to know that you want to be a priority to a man, so if the guy you meet has small children that demand attention, as they should, then you need to recognize that, and if it’s a problem, move on. Remember, whether you or your possible new interest has kids, they didn’t ask to be in this situation, so their well-being comes before your love life.
When You’re Over 40, You May Realize That Marriage Isn’t for You
We all know couples who are happily married, some for many years, but we also have those friends who compromised their lives and happiness because they didn’t want to be alone. When you are good with who you see in the mirror every day, you won’t settle for something not that special in order to overcome what you think is a lonely life. Remember, you can be in a relationship and be alone and lonely, or you can get to know yourself better during the time you are alone. When your friends go above and beyond in trying to hook you up with a man, don’t take it negatively and think they believe your life is empty without a mate. As I recently read, ‘it’s only human for people to want to feel validated in their own life decisions by seeing you reflect them with your own.’
At the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone, so treat your heart with care and make sure any man you meet does the same. Realize that, as a ‘woman of a certain age,’ you’ve had life experiences, you’ve been there, done that, probably more times than you want to admit, so know you are valuable and you have worth. Don’t sell yourself short ever again!
