Things That Make You Blush: Dumped Again

Are you scratching your head over why you just got dumped? Women would like to think that there is something wrong with men in general, and that they just need to meet the right guy to avoid breakups. That’s why they keep getting dumped…the guy, not them. Men would like you to think that the fault lies with the woman or that the timing is just off. The actual reasons are probably found in a mixed bag of excuses that differs for every potential relationship. When it comes to breakups where the man calls it quits first (a nice way of saying “getting dumped”), sometimes the reasons are obvious, especially after the first or second date. Getting dumped by a guy after only one or two dates suggests that perhaps the problem lies with the woman. One example that a woman might not consider as problematic, but that a man would call deal breakers, include incessant talk about an ex-boyfriend or ex-spouse. A man could interpret this type of conversation as a sign that his date is not ready to move forward from a past relationship, but he is probably too polite to give her this type of feedback. It’s easier just not to call back again. They may not share with a new date how aggravated they get when she is extremely late (anything over 15 minutes). This screams that their date does not respect their time. The basic art of communicating with the opposite sex sometimes trips up women (eye contact, not interrupting, not finishing sentences, listening without preparing an answer, not hogging the conversation, paying attention to her date instead of her cell phone). And remember what your momma taught you about table manners. Believe it or not, some guys care about manners. Some additional first-date issues are just lack of common sense (chomping on gum, over drinking, crude language, or off-color jokes).

While some “dumping” tends to occur after one or two dates, this bad news may also get delivered after a few more dates, a few romantic sparks, and a few smooches and some foreplay. It’s hard to hide habits such as smoking, poor dental hygiene, or a love of garlic and onions when locked in a kiss. If a woman finds herself dumped right after the kissing commences, she may want to run through a mental checklist of possible problems with your breath, your lips, or your kissing skills! There is nothing wrong with seeking some feedback from former dates about kissing if the woman is brave enough to ask and confident enough to hear the answers. Surely there are women reading this article that would love to share some constructive feedback with a former male date regarding the man’s lack of kissing fundamentals, if only they would ask.

Perhaps the most perplexing time for men to dump women occurs after the first experience with intimacy, whether it is the first date, first month, or a few months into the relationship. Intimacy is a natural progression of any romantic relationship, and the timing is unique for each couple. But it’s bound to happen. After it happens, most women interpret this as a sign of commitment and monogamy. They should not assume that men feel the same way. An honest guy will clarify ahead of time, “What will this mean to you in the morning?” For him, it just may mean “victory at last” and the chance to start a new chase after another woman. A woman may feel this way, too, but then she should not be surprised or upset when she hasn’t heard from her date in a week. And what if a woman agrees with Mr. Honesty ahead of time that intimacy does not equal monogamy, but he still doesn’t call back? Mr. Honesty maybe wasn’t so honest after all, or maybe expectations for the sexual encounter were unrealistic? Either the man or the woman could be somewhat inexperienced at making love. There are plenty of self-help books on this subject if a lack of experience is an issue. Some lovers have past sexual encounters that impact their ability to participate or enjoy their partner in this way, and there are books or counselors who can help with this, too. Whatever the reason, love making skills can be improved! And sometimes there is no logical reason why a man breaks up with a woman (but women surely always have good reasons for breaking up with a man)!  

While this article focuses on the negative side of getting dumped, the authors hope that women who are dating realize the many positive attributes that they bring to any relationship. They should be applauded for living life and enjoying the dating experience. Enjoy the dating journey and try to grow from “getting dumped”! Better dates are around the corner!